Probably the most eventful 2 weeks of holiday that I could ever have.

The camps had been simply amazing and i wouldn't trade it for anything else. 

Trip to malaysia brought back memories and the time spent with close ones,

can't thank God enough for all these that has happened.

But now its when the shit comes in, 

it has always been there but i've been way too distracted with everything else that it didn't seem much.

I guess its at times like these where troubles just start flowing back in.

These troubles are part of my regret for this entire season of my life or even my life.

I've not felt this regretful ever since 3 years back. And this wave just hit me harder than the previous.

With not much to hold on too, I really don't know how to continue.

I see no positive face of this entire shit but neither do i want to be a burden.

Really hoping for this season to end quickly. 

I just want to get out of it.

Have that feeling of giving it all up but i suppose it's all up to the Lord.

God, please, show me the way.

Came across this quote, felt  like it really applies to how i feel right now. 

Okay, maybe not. But having to think of walking alone this way just seem like a more optimistic way.

Have been feeling really depressed lately, so most of my day just ends up being solitary at some corner in the library. Find myself starting to isolate from everything.

Pushing myself away from people by choice.And starting to think where the past me went to, where did the happy optimistic life i had disappeared to. 

Depression maybe, symptoms mentioned seemed to be spot on but hopefully not.

But i guess it doesn't matter anyway. 

 Everything coming at once is just so annoying. 

Tired of everything.

Just so tired...

I still remember a senior once told me:

"In poly, people get close easily but drift away quickly too. Almost no one is family. You have to watch your own back."

At that point of time I didn't get it cause I was lucky to be in the comfort zone of having really awesome classmates but I guess it's just time to face reality. 

This society is just majorly fucked up; selfish and cruel and you'll just have to fend for yourself.

You might not receive the same treatment as how you treat others; and that's just life.

Being thrown into a class alone for a whole semester is just turning my life upside down.

Loathing every single fucking day of school, counting down to the end of the sem.

Outcasting self just cause it makes me feel better.

But learning real life experiences true own encounters.

The irony.

Pfft.

But i guess it's just human that we learn things the hard way.

Confiding in selected people --> cause others don't care

Trusting no one --> till tested and proven trustworthy,

Can't blame me for turning back into an outcast who has trust issues after being in an environment where i'm just alone and finds out that people you thought were close to you shows otherwise.

After years of trying to open up and finally succeeding i'm falling back into my old self.

The side of me i've been holding down seems to be surfacing again.

Thanks my cruel society.

I so love you.

Watch me.

I'll prove every one of you (who is treating me in a way i dislike) that it's a wrong choice of yours.

You will regret

I promise.