Probably the most eventful 2 weeks of holiday that I could ever have.

The camps had been simply amazing and i wouldn't trade it for anything else. 

Trip to malaysia brought back memories and the time spent with close ones,

can't thank God enough for all these that has happened.

But now its when the shit comes in, 

it has always been there but i've been way too distracted with everything else that it didn't seem much.

I guess its at times like these where troubles just start flowing back in.

These troubles are part of my regret for this entire season of my life or even my life.

I've not felt this regretful ever since 3 years back. And this wave just hit me harder than the previous.

With not much to hold on too, I really don't know how to continue.

I see no positive face of this entire shit but neither do i want to be a burden.

Really hoping for this season to end quickly. 

I just want to get out of it.

Have that feeling of giving it all up but i suppose it's all up to the Lord.

God, please, show me the way.

Came across this quote, felt  like it really applies to how i feel right now. 

Okay, maybe not. But having to think of walking alone this way just seem like a more optimistic way.

Have been feeling really depressed lately, so most of my day just ends up being solitary at some corner in the library. Find myself starting to isolate from everything.

Pushing myself away from people by choice.And starting to think where the past me went to, where did the happy optimistic life i had disappeared to. 

Depression maybe, symptoms mentioned seemed to be spot on but hopefully not.

But i guess it doesn't matter anyway. 

 Everything coming at once is just so annoying. 

Tired of everything.

Just so tired...

I still remember a senior once told me:

"In poly, people get close easily but drift away quickly too. Almost no one is family. You have to watch your own back."

At that point of time I didn't get it cause I was lucky to be in the comfort zone of having really awesome classmates but I guess it's just time to face reality. 

This society is just majorly fucked up; selfish and cruel and you'll just have to fend for yourself.

You might not receive the same treatment as how you treat others; and that's just life.

Being thrown into a class alone for a whole semester is just turning my life upside down.

Loathing every single fucking day of school, counting down to the end of the sem.

Outcasting self just cause it makes me feel better.

But learning real life experiences true own encounters.

The irony.

Pfft.

But i guess it's just human that we learn things the hard way.

Confiding in selected people --> cause others don't care

Trusting no one --> till tested and proven trustworthy,

Can't blame me for turning back into an outcast who has trust issues after being in an environment where i'm just alone and finds out that people you thought were close to you shows otherwise.

After years of trying to open up and finally succeeding i'm falling back into my old self.

The side of me i've been holding down seems to be surfacing again.

Thanks my cruel society.

I so love you.

Watch me.

I'll prove every one of you (who is treating me in a way i dislike) that it's a wrong choice of yours.

You will regret

I promise.

Retail therapy with dear sissy today. 

Gonna have packed weeks coming up soon. 

Oh well~ 

Enjoy this while i can. (:

It seems like things got better yet not exactly at the same time.

All i'm feeling now is confusion, guilt, a tool, tiredness and what else?

I guess at least it's better than before; a mental breakdown.

I'm just both physically and mentally tired of everything. 

God! Help! Save me...

I REALLY HATE HOW THINGS ARE GOING RIGHT NOW!

NO WAIT, DISLIKE!

I CAN'T STAND ALL THESE CRAPPY CHANGES!!

It feels lousy.

A start to a whole new sem after this and everyone's just gonna get busy and stuff.

It's gonna be so hard just to meet up with everyone.

My dear Cement:

Thank you for everything! Since our pre-trip briefing and all.

It's been a month since the start of iDARE. Scary how time passed so quickly.

Cannot show how much I love you guys and how thankful I am to have your in my life.

Although iDARE is officially over, let's please meetup often like how we did over the holidays.

I love you guys.

"Good proportion of water and sand, helps you make good construction materials" ^^

Because I'm just too lazy to cover the whole event, I shall just end off with this photo of me and a damn good bro of mine (:

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Just got back from the airport about an hour+ ago.

3 days at TCP just went by like that, followed by buffet lunch, lunch at makan place with Justice, bringing some mentors to try kallang laksa/ikea, and finally concluding with tears at the airport.

Might not have talked to all the mentors as well as spend a lot of time with them,

but it was all time well spent.

I feel blessed to have gotten to know these talented mentors as well as be inspired by them.

Especially my mentor; Justice.

Held back tears as much as I can but it failed in the end cause my eyes still produced sweat.

In anyway,

Dear Justice,

Thank you for everything since Day 1 that you got to know us from the last camp.

From *creekcreek* moments to laughters and all random things.

Thanks to you, I finally got those bottled up thoughts off my chest. 

Although you might not be able to come back next year so that you can finish college, but do know that we'll be waiting for you to return so that we can give you 3 Justice Clap as well as give you hugs.

Pleeeeeeaseeeeeeeeeee come back soon! We'll be more than glad to spend time with you.

We'll (I'll) miss you sooooo muchhhhhhhhhh!!!

I pray that you'll have a save flight home and that you'll get to come over and see us soon.

Take care of yourself and hope to see you reallllll soon again.

We love you Justice *hearts*

TCP was not one of those typical enrichment camps.

It was a camp which I felt was truly enriching and I learnt a lot as well.

It's like you'll get to learn something out of every activity we did.

Day1:

Albatrose; Guys on chair and have chocs while girls took off our shoes and sat on the floor.

The natural thought would be that it's unfair and stuff but I came to learn that it's all about the perspectives.

We think that "oh why don't we girls have chocolates?"  "Why don't we have chairs?" "Why do we have to take off our shoes?" but when the reasons were revealed, it kind of left me with nothing to say and just go "oh". It made me think about how I have the tendency to jump into conclusions quickly and start passing judgements and complaints but at the end of the day, proven that whatever I perceive may not be right.

Learning more about myself and other people's personality will definitely help in the future.

I'm a high D,I and a slightly high S. Super low C.

I honestly felt abnormal since Justice gave the "this is kind of weird face" when he saw it. 

Hahaha, special me :3

That's beside the point. I think it made me aware of what I can do with my strengths and weaknesses. Also how to relate to those of other types and learning to work/adapt with others.

I really regret not having enough sleep the night before causing me to miss out some parts of Servant Leadership which was really good and the points were really meaningful.

I remember saying that I'll probably have the most problem with integrity because it's not easy to always deliver what you say. Not everything will be able to go smoothly as planned and when a promise is made, it's just so hard sometimes.

And deep humility? I mean who wouldn't like getting acknowledged for what you did?

I know I need the acknowledgement to feel appreciated and stuff so yeahh.

Day 2:

CORE. Made me find out more about what i have and what i lacked.

About me being a camper just because i'm lazy.

"Climbers are committed to climb EVERY aspect of their lives" and i guess that's where i see myself get stuck.

My "reach" is extremely bad cause things that happen often affects my mood a lot and i neglect the fact that it affects the people around me as well. I've no idea why, when my reach is "high" somehow things get more bottled within me and i get tired mentally after awhile. (Need to work on this)

Lunch Unlimited was just good, somehow we enjoyed our meal on the floor with tons of other people just eating bread. But thanks to my dear iDARE family who were at the camp as well, I got to eat good food too. Super got love lah guys. 

C.A.C was simply amazing. Eye opener.

Never would i expect myself doing what we did at the first station. It turned our FUNNNN!

I learnt well, at least i think and hope i did. hahaha~

Second & third station was just hilarious all because of language barriers.

Speaking with our lousy chinese, hokkien and what more malay.

We literally went like: "skolah, ngee ann poly, *show bread*" and she understood surprisingly!!~

Then came the infamous moat. Oh how i dislike it.

Those hours! Those whistling! Oh Lord save me!

Shouting across the room, getting points across which got nowhere and just gave up for that moment.

We completed it in 5h 52min 56s. 

*Phew* Thank God it's over.

Mc delivery with iDARE family and ryan before talking about anything and everything under the roof and ended up crashing there with only 1h of sleep.

Day 3:

I'm so sad it's over and i've not much memory about stuff probably thanks to the lack of sleep.

I was full of nonsense the last day. I blame my lack of sleep, really.

Got to do our Justice Clap! YAY!

Skit was good, Songs were good, Initiation Ceremony etc was good~

the last part where we suddenly started sharing stuff is where things got..

the sweet, candy floss and stuff were just so spicy that our eyes sweated.

But no regrets on this camp at all, i love my group, i love my mentor and i cannot ask for any group/mentor better than this.

I'm gonna miss Justice sooo much when he leaves Singapore. Sighs...

HAPPY SWEET 17 MY DEAR GIRL!!

3 years and counting, seeing you grow cuter and prettier year by year but not taller :P

Haha, just know that i'll always be there for you no matter what.

Always just a phone call/ text/ 3 bus stops away (:

I love you my dear other half ^^

Headed with our usual sec school clique down to dhoby to celebrate maine's birthday at Strictly Pancakes!~

I'm a really terrible liar in front of maine, keep exposing things by accident, hahaha

Well~ Hope it's still considered a surprise for her.

1 thing I don't like about the place is that I need to walk down and on certain days the queue is unbelievably long.. Reservation is encouraged if there's quite a big group.

Lucky us to have seat of 8, phew~

Maple Syrup and Butter.

Only given for savoury pancakes. 

I love how they plate it and the fact that there are different types of butter~

*I simply loveeee the garlic and herb one*

Caramelised bananas sizzled in a pan with a dash of rum drizzled over a medium stack, served with a generous scoop of vanilla ice cream.

I rate this ★★★

The bananas are like goreng pisang just that without the flour part on the outside.

Not really something that i like eating.

No other spread measures up to our medium stack of peanut butter pancakes layered with Nutella served complete with Kinder Bueno and a scoop of vanilla ice cream - WHAT A SPREAD!

Can't really comment and rate this since this was lester's dish and i only tried a mouth.

I kind of liked it. Simple and nice ^^

Medium stack served with prawns buttered generously with garlic and cherry tomato salad on the side for an aromatic, mouth-watering treat.

This is my ultimate favourite of all times!

This is to die for, love this max ★★★★★

This is a must try for those who have never visited.

Two pancakes stuffed with potatoes, cheese and leek served with sautéed mushrooms and sour cream on the side for a gastronomical delight!

This was what JW ordered so again, I have no idea and neither have I tried.

Probably my favourite out of all the sweet pancakes.

Just love the mixture of the flavours~ 

★★★★.5

There's still one more THE DRUGGIE.

But we were all busy eating so no photo was taken when Laris's arrived, *oops*

(Photo credits to Sheena)

Taken 2 was awesome! I love the action, effects and all~ *YAY*

Sadly only this little photos cause the rest of them didn't upload the photos!! D:

Oh well~ 

Off to sleep, annyeong 

This was cement on day 1. 

We were kind of awkward with one another, almost all turning up in grey.

Ready to set of for pahang. 

*Superman*

HAHA, this was major distraction for us, it's so hilarious!

We talked bout random things on the bus. 

Sleep alternating to Taxi, watch Zi Jian does his sweet shooting thing; owning Vik in the bet and Vik having to do a forfeit which was to teach our Cement cheer to the whole of iDARE.

Our first day went pass quickly, simple.

On that day I'll probably never have guessed how close we would be at the end of the camp.

Planning how to do up our catapult but I'm still camera ready ^^

Having to report at 715am was really no joke. 

With people coming in that bit late and yay, we got punished with 360 jumping jacks.

We did 300. Really I swear. It was not 240, we did 300!

Day 3 was the highlight of the camp for me.

We got to sit on a lorry up to the cave, not that it's a big thing but still~ haha

Abseiling first, something which I wouldn't have done ever if not for iDARE.

I was honestly freaking out at the top of the cliff, the 4 who were afraid of heights were all there together.

Freaking about going down the high cliff, haha. 

And that's where I got my first bruise.

Oh, and because we dare, we pulled out a snake's shedded skin out from the cliff.

Then the cave exploration, mad cool! haha

I especially like the theatre part and the crawling part.

A really good experience. I can't believe I dared to crawl through first (:

Up for some 4WD after our lunch at the cave. 

It was MAJOR loads of fun in there. Just floating, playing around, splashing water at others and then receiving your karma for splashing too much at others. HAHA

Best of all was doing the iDARE cheer in the shallow areas.

Cement had many #funfacts memories here.

And this is also the place where i found my dear dancing partner: JOANNE!! :3

We were amused by ourselves but everyone ignored us, its their lost!!

I think we were amazing dancers in that cold water :P

Didn't do much that night, it was just planning for our skit which really brought us super close

4th Day: Rapids, WaterRafting, FlyingFox, RiverCrossing

The sudden daredevil side of us to just jump into those currents that will push you underwater for awhile despite having those life jackets on. 

I would never have dared to do all these what more in teh tarik like river.

Letting the current carry you, jumping into currents, getting flipped over. OhGod. haha

But it was fun, other than getting flipped, i hate that.

WWR didn't feel trilling till the part where we just decided to be bad asses and jumped off our rafts :DD

Did superman/model style down flying fox (first girl for that batch baby!!)

Then crossed the river back to the other side. 

My group guys peed in it and we told the other groups to clean the rope after their pee. 

Then our preparation for our skit.

I think we were damn awesome out there. SUPER HILARIOUS in fact.

I just keep hearing laughter throughout it.

Credits to our Geisha Sengyang, Manager XinYing, AhMa Joanne, 3 Little Pigs Edwin, Keith, Xavier, Pedo Businessman Stephen, King Daryl, Black Geisha Advik, and the others who played supporting rolls.

After everything we had the video, revealing of angel & mortal as well as prize presentation.

I'm super shocked to receive the iDARE Spirit Award. Thank you.

If you want an honest statement, i really didn't believe i was good enough for it.

I shall not go into details but ZiJian, Keith and Daryl knows.*hides face*

My dear mortal: Vernice

Keith who i knew since RC8

MY DEAR OTHER HALF

Dear bro of mine

There, upon receiving the award.

At our very last debrief, all that emotional talk about what we feared most.

A talk that got me thinking for a really long time about all that was said.

(A photo with my dear SF and also the SSF, ZiJian)

Shopping with the dear girls and all was a bonus. Really.

5 days just went pass so quickly and when we were on the bus gonna cross the border then it hit me that the camp was over, we're heading back to Singapore.

All that dreading feeling of going back to the busy life as well as the fact that I won't be spending the whole day doing random stuff and being with my Cement family just made me down.

Then they had to start playing all those emo songs which made me cry halfway while singing.

I don't really know why i cried but those tears just rolled down anyway, non stop.

Cried again when we did our last iDARE cheer at the walkway and started saying goodbye.

Thus explaining those red eyes of mine in photos. 

Thank you iDARE Sept'12 Family, iDARE Rebirth!

Period, Broccoli, Taxi, Dodo, Blastoise, Cement. Thank you for everything over those 5 days.

It'll be something that will be etched in my memory for a really long time. 

I couldn't ask for a family better than this.

I love you iDARE Sept'12, a lot.